. : : Valar Morghulis : : .

LOLCAT Bible – The Madness Goes On

LOLCAT Bible? Yes. They even have a picture of a cat looking holy and all…

See for yourself: LOLCAT Bible

An example:

1. K so Boaz iz in teh towns and ZOMG teh closesest guy iz liek “Oh hai.” Boaz sez “U come and sitz here, k?” And teh guy sez “kthx.”

2. And so Boaz sez 2 teh otehr guyz “U come and sitz here 2, k?” And tehy sez “kthx.”

3. He sez 2 teh closesest guy “K so Naomi iz comes back and iz sells teh land frum taht guy Elimelech.

4. “So I iz thinks I tells u ‘Hay, u can has land, k?’ Becuz u can has it, becuz u iz closesest, but ifs u duznt want it, I can has it, k?” And teh closesest sez “K I wants it.”

5. And boaz sez “BTW: u has to has teh womun Ruth, frum Moab, ifs u has teh land, becuz sumfing ’bout inher’tance.”

6. Teh closesest sez “OH NOES!!! U can has.”

7. BTW: in teh Israel, teh mans does sum stuffs to sells and buys stuffs–one mans gives teh sandul 2 teh otehr guy. Srsly.

8. K so when teh guy sez “U can has,” he givs his sandul.

9. And so Boaz sez “Hay, does u sees taht? I gets teh stuffs naow, k?

10. “btw Ruth is mah wifes naow and teh stuffs.”

11. And teh otehr ppl sez, “k

12. thx.”

13. So Ruth is wifes, penis goes where, and thay has teh kid.

14. Teh womuns sez “ZOMG teh Ceiling Cat pwns becuz she has teh kid!

15. “Teh Ceiling Cat gives u cheezburgr; becuz Ruth (she pwns) has teh kid.

16. Naomi is takes teh kid and gives him teh boobies and teh kid is liek “NOMNOMNOM.”

17. Teh womuns is gives teh kid name and sez “Naomi has teh kid.” Teh womun sez his name iz Obed; he has teh kid Jesse and Jesse has teh kid David (David iz gonna pwn, btw).

18. Perez is has teh kidz: Perez is has teh kid Hezron,

19. Hezron is has teh kid Ram, Ram is has teh kid Amminadab,

20. Amminadab is has teh kid Nahshon, Nahshon is has teh kid Salmon,

21. Salmon is has teh kid Boaz, Boaz is has teh kid Obed,

22. Obed is has teh kid Jesse, and Jesse is has teh kid David.

They didn’t spare Genesis either:

1. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat was invisible, and he maded the skiez and da earths, but he did not eated it.

2. The earths wus witout shapez and wus dark and scary and stuffs, and he rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3. And Ceiling Cat sayz, i can has light? and teh light wuz.

4. Teh Ceiling Cat sawed teh light, to sees stufs, and speraratered the light form dark and stufs

5. And Ceiling Cat sayed light Day and dark no Day. Teh evning and morning was teh first day.

6. And Ceiling Cat sayed, letz tehre be teh ceilings of waterz, with waterz up n waterz down.

7. And Ceiling Cat doed the skiez with waterz down and waterz up, and stuff.

8. And Ceiling Cat sayed, letz up be teh firmmint, so evning and morning was teh twoth day.

9. And Ceiling Cat gotted all no waterz into ur base, so no waterz wus not wetted

10. And Ceiling Cat called no wather Earths, so tehre.

11. And Ceiling Cat sayed, wants grass and stuff! so yield seedz and stuff, and fruitzors and vegbatels.

12. And Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz is teh good stuff, so, letz tehre be weed.

13. And so teh evning n the morning of the threeth day.

14. And Ceiling Cat sayed, letz tehre be lights in the firmmint for dividing day from no day.

15. So tehre, lights everwaer, like chrissmass, wai.

16. And Ceiling Cat doeth two greate lights, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.

17. And Ceiling Cat screweth tehm on firmmint, with big nails and stuff.

18. And Ceiling Cat sawed it wus the goodz, so wai.

19. And so teh evning n the morning of the furth day.

20. And Ceiling Cat sayed, letz teh waterz brings forht the loots and stuff, and phishes, and burdies, that flyed over the no waterz and swimmeths in the waterz.

21. And Ceiling Cat created big fishies, which wuz like big caws, except they not mooed, and other stuffs that gives the mooves, n Ceiling Cat wuz plezed.

22. And Ceiling Cat sented them std::greetings, and stuff, so letz u be happy and stuff.

23. And so teh evning n the morning of the fifth day

24. And Ceiling Cat sayed, letz there me moar living stuff, mooes, and creepz, and otehr animuls, so tehre.

25. And Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, and creepies, and otehr animuls, and did not eated tehm.

26. And Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do min like uz, becuz we is teh cute, n let min has dominion and stuff becuz tehy has can openers.

27. So Ceiling Cat createded min and womin, min an womin wuz created, but he did not eated tehm.

28. And Ceiling Cat sented them std::greetings, so teh ballz and teh multiplyers, and haz teh dominion on teh waterz, no waterz and teh firmmint, and evry thingz and stuff.

29. And Ceiling Cat sayed, Yo, Beholdt, the earths, I has it, and I has not eated it.

30. For evry createded stuff tehre are the foodz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, and teh mooes, so tehre.

31. And Ceiling Cat sawed that he is teh Min, and, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthx bai.

Totally awesome!