. : : Marc Sez : : .

Just Don’t Call The Police

http://www.hindu.com/2008/10/01/stories/2008100161851400.htm

In India, this is the order of people to contact in case of a problem or emergency.

1. Parents
2. Siblings
3. Relatives
4. Friends
5. Reporters/journalists
6. Neighbours
7. Acquaintances
8. Government employees (bribes)
9. Hooligans from nearby slums
10. Politicians
11. God
12. Auto drivers
13. Rowdies
14. Contract killers
15. Terrorists
16. Convicts
17. Mobsters
18. Police

In fact, it’s probably better to stop with mobsters and then simply give up.

Not Annoying Enough

When I found an article titled The 10 Habits of Highly Annoying Bloggers on Digg I immediately went to read it; I could always use fresh ideas for annoying people.

It turned out that I didn’t have any of the 10 habits mentioned. I apologise for this oversight on my part and I will take the following steps to correct this deficiency:

• All fonts on my blog will be changed to Comic Sans (size 14, bold, underlined and italicised)
• Links to RSS feeds will be removed and will be made accessible only by completing a game of Donkey Kong
• The comments section will be revamped to resemble Blogspot, with compulsory audio and text CAPTCHAs
• Posts detailing my day to day activities in excruciating detail will be posted regularly, and all post titles will end with the word ‘day’
• Each post will include a randomly chosen (hotlinked) image from Google image search that is vaguely (if at all) related to the post
• People on my blogroll will be emailed every week, informing them that I’ve forgotten my password and asking them if they had any idea what it was
• Posts will be written in chatspeak with LOL at the end of every sentence
• There will be four separate unsynchronised scrolling marquees on the blog
• Inspiring photos from the Tamil movie industry will make a regular appearance.
  
• Links will redirect to random sites instead of the advertised target.

Anything else to improve my blog?

Windows 98, A Secure Operating System

Windows 98 was a milestone in the history of GUI based operating systems. The solid security architecture provided a base for many current generation interfaces. The following animated image demonstrates how difficult it was to circumvent the military strength encryption to gain access to the system:

Windows 98 Security Features

Microsoft must be lauded for their efforts in pioneering secure systems.

With Cops Like These…

This comic strip at first reminded me of Indian cops.

But then I realised that they wouldn’t know what Hazmat or Superman was. And they’d be collecting money from bystanders instead of doing their job. And they would have pot bellies.

The Genius of Dilbert

That’s just…

…genius.

The Dilbert comic strip is pretty much my idea of a perfect IT company. I would be the Pointy-Haired Boss of course.

When I think about it, people I know do resemble Dilbert characters.

Pointy-Haired Boss - Me (wannabe)

Dilbert - George

Wally - Sanchan

Alice - Sindhu

Asok - Arun

Dogbert - Ragha

George Bush, The Scholar

Why Iraq? It was just easier. It was only four letters and Saddam Hussein hadn’t quite understood air combat.

Buying Wrath of the Lich King (in India)

It’s tough being a MMORPG player in India. If the latency doesn’t destroy the game for you, the timezone mismatch between the majority of players in the US (and other developed countries) and us will ensure that the server is deserted when you sit down to play.

Another problem is buying the game itself. Most online stores don’t even sell popular games like World of Warcraft and Guild Wars so we’re forced to buy the serial key alone off sketchy sites (for the same price as the full retail package, mind!) and download the huge clients on our crappy Fraudband connections.

If you are one of people unfortunate enough to live in this backward country, I have finally found a site, Play-Asia.com, that stocks WoW (among other popular games), ships to India and accepts Paypal!

Getting Wrath of the Lich King (release date - November 13, 2008) is going to be much easier. I can get straight to the 1 hour install (WoW installs are horribly long) without having to wait 20+ hours for the download to complete.

I’ve also put up a link to upcoming games on my sidebar and it looks awesome.

A Gamer Survey

Vinny asked me to put up this survey directly mostly at gamers.

http://freeonlinesurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=yxdu5fmvw1njvd2481972

I’m sure Vinny is going to use this data for some noble cause like taking over the world or something similar so you should go do it to help him out.

‘Arranged Marriage’ - Going Against Nature

Arranged marriage. This prehistoric practice followed by uncivilised tribals in backward societies is the norm in India. How did something so unnatural and contrary to human nature become tradition in this country?

It is natural for people to fall in love with other people and get married. Our bodies are built that way. Arranging for two strangers to get married is just going against human nature!

The main reason this shit happens is because Indian society is based upon keeping men and women apart. Interaction between the sexes is actively discouraged at every level from school through work. Even adults socialising in public are looked upon with suspicious and derision. This creates a society of socially challenged people who have trouble interacting with the opposite sex. Even if they do gain some social skills and hook up they are hounded by the cops and their own parents. What kind of fucked up society is this?

An arranged marriage gives these socially inept people a security blanket. All manner of dull people with no redeeming qualities whatsoever can be assured of finding an equally dull person to get married to. Men don’t have to treat women well or wine and dine them to win their affection. They can just be boorish louts and can relax in the knowledge that their parents will find some unlucky female to be their servant in the name of marriage for the rest of their lives.

In addition, they can demand a dowry from the girl’s parents and live comfortably off that money while the parents struggle to pay the debt. Women, being trapped in a patriarchal backward society have no say in anything and are forced to go along with their parents, enduring life as a lifelong servant at the house of their so-called husband.

This is Indian society. All hail.

Some people believe marriage is sacred. A middle aged woman on a debate show (’Neeya Naana’ - Vijay TV) was arguing that men and women should not get to know each other before their marriage since it spoils the sanctity of marriage. Too bad I couldn’t meet her in person to tell her this: You dumb bitch, marriage is not a holy rite. It is a rite that is conducted with the blessings of the Holy. If you don’t understand this, you have failed in life and I beseech you to ensure that we never meet in real life.

Freedom’s Sentinels

If you think that India is a nice peaceful safe place to live in then you are unbelievably dumb and misinformed. From terrorism to inflation, we have pretty much every single problem known to mankind. Most of the population is either stupid or doesn’t really care. I don’t mind these people, I have nothing against the mentally challenged or the apathetic. The people I really hate are the ones who know about these problems but still delude themselves and others into thinking that this dump is a great place to live in.

You may argue that other countries have such problems too. The difference is, in India none of these problems are recognised, discussed or worked upon. Only a few major scandals even make it into the limelight and then the media covers it for days until the next celebrity comes along to be interviewed. However things that happen in daily life are ignored or accepted as part of life.

Ordinary citizens cannot highlight problems either. No one wants a visit from the thugs of a local politician. That’s what happens if you complain. Call the cops? What a joke. We all know the cops are corrupt scum who are only interested in how much money they can get out you.

You think we have freedom?

Freedom’s Sentinels
A democracy must protect rights, not muzzle free speech
KAIZAAD KOTWAL

Welcome to India.